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the 5 lamest disasters in disaster movie history
If you show us a bunch of monuments that exploded, we\'ll buy a ticket.
But it\'s clear that Hollywood hasn\'t had a real disaster a long time ago, because sometimes they end up with a disaster that seems to be just a slight inconvenience.
For example: 5 volcanoes inexplicably become a damn volcano in the La Brea tar pit, depending on a brave geologists (Anne Heche)
There is also a special emergency management director who can\'t fry scrambled eggs without hurting himself (Tommy Lee Jones)
Save Los Angeles from the lava river now flowing down Wilshire Avenue
In the early days of the film, a character pointed out that some volcanoes could erupt under the action of a nuclear explosion, and we found, and so on, no, the volcanoes under Los Angeles were really small.
It\'s barely erupting, really, just oozing lava out of the street.
The interesting thing about lava is that it\'s not very fast.
Wait, are we funny?
We mean boring.
Of course, on a particularly steep slope, there is a lava stream, but on a more gentle slope, it tends to be at the top at about 1/2 miles per hour, walking only than a turtle
Of course, the movie has a lot of scenes on steep slopes, so lava will rush down, right? Not at all!
They even have a scene where a character sets up a basketball on the street to make sure the ground is tilted, so Wilshire Avenue is the safest place on Earth when a volcano occurs.
This makes the writers face an uncomfortable task of trying to find ways to make this easy-going security hazard even more exciting.
So in a scene, a palm tree catches fire and falls, conveniently trapping the hero between a overturned bus and a melting wave of death.
Later, a few people on the subway train had to be rescued because none of them were smart enough to figure out how to use the doors on the subway car without outside help.
Finally, the lava broke several laws of physics and crossed the town through an underground tunnel, emerging from the middle of the road near Cedar Sinai Hospital, but, it just started crawling along the way on the other side of the town. How do you re-
Along the route of the lava flow, send it harmless into the ocean?
Simple: you blew up a huge building!
Seriously, to save the city from the threat of being easily eliminated
When they left, they overturned a building, killing two people.
If they make a sequel, they should save a city on a glacier by burning down an orphanage.
An old lady walked away from the lava that swallowed up her house, but she left her puppy in it!
The dog realized that he was not in any danger and ran to the lava to bark.
He then rushed out of the dog door and told all his puppy friends that lava was a huge p ** y.
When a large storm front threatens to release some tornadoes in an area commonly known as the \"tornado belt\", it depends on a brave Storm Chaser (Hellen Hunt)
And someone with a regrettable nickname \"extreme (Bill Paxton)
For science, put a bunch of small plastic balls into a tornado.
We certainly will not argue that a tornado is not a destructive force of nature.
However, it is important to remember that the average tornado-
The related events will not actually last for a long time, and certainly will not last long enough to surround the entire film.
Obviously the solution is to make a movie about the people who are stupid enough to run in front of one tornado after another and try to stick their balls inside.
But even if you are willing to believe that the hero\'s mission deserves this ridiculous weather chase, you will still find that these special tornadoes are almost wimps.
Of course, they are ready to tear down the house or throw around the cows occasionally, but the heroes drive straight to the funnel cloud again and again as if you really have to plug your head into one to hurt you.
In the finale, our main character actually entered the F-5 tornado (read: )
They were not hurt at all because they insisted very hard.
Yes, without being hurt by a tornado, the tornado is full of debris to fly around at a rate that can pass a straw through the trunk.
Keep in mind that the problem that needs to be solved is not the actual tornado itself, but the problem of putting a bunch of small plastic balls into one of the tornadoes.
So it makes sense for Pepsi to save the day.
Look, the ball needs to stay in the air, so the heroes made small propellers with Pepsi cans.
We can only imagine the inevitable blood.
When these things finally turned to a poor farmer and his helpless family, there was fear.
In the early scenes, the main characters were trapped in a huge ditch and the tornado hit them and they didn\'t even have time to turn on the machine, with all the balls in it!
So they hid under a small wooden bridge.
We will continue to assume that it is very normal for someone to build a bridge on a trench.
Anyway, the tornado stole their truck, removed most of the small bridge, and then the tail disappeared between the legs, apparently scared by Helen Hunt.
Three days ago, a group of shocking, dingy jewelry thieves crashed their car into a truck convoy full of toxic waste, and the explosion that caused it blocked part of the Hudson tunnel, it depends on a brave playwright (Amy Brenneman)
And a taxi driver who was once the head of emergency medical services (
Drag the remaining survivors to a safe place.
The explosion must have been caused by some revolutionary new cleaning device.
Burn toxic waste because no one has difficulty breathing in the tunnel.
Most of these characters then come in direct contact with the Flames created by the explosion and none of them seem to have any burns, so it could be an undercover superhero movie.
Since the smoke doesn\'t seem to have any impact and even the fire doesn\'t hurt these people, screenwriter Leslie Bohm tries to find a new excuse for excitement every few minutes.
At first, the rise in the water level seemed to add a sense of danger to the proceedings, but the rise in the water level was so slow that it was more of a vague annoyance than an actual crisis.
Then Stallone blew up a big-
The ass gas tank car, on the surface, tries to slow down the water in some way.
It seems dangerous because Stallone has encountered some technical difficulties that cannot be explained and he cannot stay away from the explosion as he thought, but he just jumps out (
Technology commonly referred to as \"Stallone).
As far as we know, his efforts have no obvious effect on the rising water level.
In rare cases, when the danger does jump out and grab someone\'s ass, it seems more confusing than anything else.
At some point, a man apparently fell down on the road because he was walking on the road, and the road was very wet (
How can this only happen once? )
Then an old lady sat down and died probably because of boredom.
It all comes down to the brave rescue efforts of the friendly mouse parade.
These mice are clearly not in a hurry to leaveso-slowly-
The broken tunnel, eventually swam to our main character and kindly showed them the way out, something we thought they had stolen from a cartoon.
After the survivors managed to climb the rickety stairs, they realized that the dog needed help to climb the steps!
Bravely, Stallone risked his life and pulled a dog up the stairs!
It\'s made by dogs!
On the other hand, Stallone falls into the water and must find his own damn way out of the tunnel.
We thought it was a dog.
When a slow and complex jailbreak leads to a huge forest fire and four fugitives wander around in the fire, it depends on a brave aviologist (Suzy Amis)
There is also a person who makes a living by parachuting into the forest fire (Howie Long)
Stop fires and criminals.
It turns out that the characters we just mentioned are the only ones near the fire.
The disaster killed six people, four of whom were evil criminals.
It turns out that there are two kinds of forest fires: the one that moves very fast and the one that moves very slowly.
Guess what the movie is about?
Characters often find themselves surrounded by flames just to leave unscathed.
After a few scenes, they will find themselves somewhere completely safe in the forest, not touched by a flame, and easily put out --
Walking in disaster
On the rugged terrain, a lot).
In fact, fireman Howie Long (
He used to be a football player and he thought he would be his star. making debut)
There was not much time spent worrying about the fire at all, and he was so worried about the flames spreading to more uninhabited areas of the forest that he spent his time worrying about fugitives.
Hell, if this is the real fire, it will take care of the criminals for them.
It took us a while to figure out why, but Howie decided to start another forest fire on his own.
He\'s really putting out fire.
You will think that a bigger fire will win and leave yourself with a bigger problem than you did at the beginning.
But at the end of the movie, the two fires finally met and they knocked each other down.
How exactly does this work?
Why didn\'t these two fires form a fire that destroyed everything?
Is fire Howie the creator who is loyal to it and has started a good fire?
We must admit that there is a scientific side to the film.
Yes, it is called counter-productive and it should steal oxygen from the first forest fire.
Course: The Movie \"criminals who escaped from prison\" (
Disguised as a fireman)
The birders are trying to get around a particularly big fire on their way out of the forest.
From above, Howie Long noticed that they were wandering straight down the road to a very slow-moving fire!
They may be in danger in half an hour!
So he parachuted down to save them, or at least advised them to go in a different direction.
When looking for delicious human flesh in rural Europe as a group of flowing vegetables, it depends on a brave little girl (Janina Faye)
An American sailor. Howard Keel)
Take care of yourself and let others go to hell for everything they care about.
This is a triffid.
Now, while it must be impressive for a plant to learn how to move around at snail speed, spraying venom on people\'s faces is certainly a pretty cool way to kill people, these two abilities alone cannot be a monster that is particularly great.
If you rate on a curve, maybe it\'s a relatively awesome plant, but a little crappy monster.
Obviously, if you are in danger of being killed by something that is almost impossible to move and need to reach out to hurt you, you are either blind or paralyzed. Sci-
Science fiction writer John Wyndham, who is the author of the original novel, clearly believes that mysteriously paralyzing everyone on Earth can become an absolutely boring story.
So, he wrote a complicated excuse for everyone to make them blind and give triffids some fair chance.
So, some strange meteor shower staged a wonderful little light show, and anyone looking at the lights in the sky would be permanently blind the next morning.
About 99% of the world\'s population is completely helpless.
Hey, this is a very easy Show, okay? )
The trio seized the opportunity to become someone other than laughter. out-Ridiculous.
For main characters (
Who has their sight)
The film is desperately trying to find an excuse for why they feel threatened by faltering plants.
So the hero has to stop every once in a while and let the trio surround them for some reason (i. e.
An old man easily sprained his ankle without anything at all and must carry it with him).
But even so, when hundreds of monsters stand calmly around and let you light them, it\'s hard to see them as threats: or, when a survivor accidentally ran one on his truck and dragged it under the bumper in pain, they couldn\'t even get out of the way fast enough: in despair last-
To save themselves, the heroes decided to try spraying triffids with salt water.
Surprisingly, triffids force their hosts by dissolving them into disgusting green sludge.
Yes, not only does screenwriter Bernard Gordon clearly think that the trio would be too threatened if they didn\'t have some dull weaknesses, but he never thought about it, his amazing seawater therapy is not even as effective as lighting up the damn thing.
The little girl wandered around her nautical Guardian looking for rocks or something, and she walked too close to triffid! Oh, no!
She ran back into the car and went in, but triffid arrived in the car only a minute or two later!
Of course, triffid\'s poison spray attack is not comparable to the window, so our hero drove away.
Really, we feel a little sorry for triffids.